how come there aint no commant like insertUpdate - that takes the Pk cols, then the Pk values, then the other cols and the other vals - and if it finds a existing row with the Pk values then updates that with the other values else inserts a new row. For tables with a few columns this would be great.

Some thing like this:
insertUpdate (pkColName1, pkColName2, pkColName3, ...), (pkColValue1, pkColValue2, pkColValue3, ...) ( genColName1, genColName2, ...)
(genColValue1, genColValue2, ... )

Oracle 9i has a MERGE statement that does something quite like that, though you have to specify the conditions rather than rely on PK constraints (which would be nicer in some ways).

there is in mysql

INSERT [LOW_PRIORITY | DELAYED] [IGNORE]
[INTO] tbl_name
SET col_name=(expression | DEFAULT), ...
[ ON DUPLICATE KEY UPDATE col_name=expression, ... ]

nice ! anything for MS SQL Server?

not that i'm aware of

use T-SQL to see if the PK exists first, and UPDATE or INSERT accordingly